I don’t know how you do it…How in the world do you juggle it all?…It must be really hard to find balance in your life…How do you make the choice? I’m sure as working moms you have heard all of the above—and many more.
Funny, I’ve been working “outside the home” for almost 20 years of my life, but no one ever thought to say things like this to me until my son was born. All of a sudden it seemed that in the minds of some, I went from being a capable human being—able to manage each of my career, marriage, and personal life—to someone who was apparently struggling with the daily chore of being me.
Now, I cannot lie that all the hormones racing through my body when my son was first born certainly made me question my abilities and motives more than once. Not having a lot of experience with children, I knew from the start that the biggest challenge I would ever encounter was to be a “good mom.” And, despite having experienced 9 years of love for my husband, I was really thrown to find how deep and distracting my love for my son was—and how easily that love could wreak havoc on my emotions, common sense, and confidence in my decisions.
But it had never crossed my mind to believe that the addition of a child would somehow make the life I had carved out to become unmanageable, even unbalanced. And yet, that was the message I was receiving.
The word “balance” makes me think of one of those old balancing measures where you put the weight on one side and the product you want to measure on the other, until you have placed enough to achieve perfect horizontal balance. If you place too much or not enough on one side, it is out of balance. There is only one way to achieve perfect balance—you have to get it just right.
Unfortunately, human beings don’t have the luxury of a static world that allows us to achieve that perfect balance and maintain it forever. Things change, tides move, and people adjust. That’s the way it is.
In her book “Ask the Children,” Ellen Galinsky expressed it so well:
“We need to replace the notion of “balancing” work and family life. Balancing implies an either/or situation—a scale on which if one side is up, the other is down. It is thus a win/lose seesaw. Yet the research conducted for this book reveals that if work life is “up” or family life is “up” the other side is very likely to be up as well. This is not a zero-sum game in which giving to one side takes away from the other.”
Instead of the word “balance,” Ms. Galinsky suggested the word “navigating.” I love that word picture—I can just see myself at the helm of a boat, a crisp breeze flapping my hair back and howling in my ears. My husband and son are beside me, and we look to the future, navigating the boat together to make every moment count. Our work is part of the journey, as is our time together, and our personal time too. By being responsible navigators and working together, it all becomes part of the plan—and possible to achieve!
What’s wonderful about the times we live in are the many diverse opportunities people have to navigate their lives creatively and in a way that works great for each of them individually. Have you ever noticed that if you are in the process of buying a new car, all of a sudden all you see different makes and models of cars and your choices seem endless. The options open themselves up to you because you are ready and willing to see them. The varied life options are out there, too—for work, personal time, and family time—if you are only willing and ready to see them.
So, I’ve decided to stop listening to the negatives. Now, when I hear people say things like: I don’t know how you do it…How in the world do you juggle it all?…It must be really hard to find balance in your life…How do you make the choice? I plan to proudly reply “I don’t make the choice. My family and I are navigating our way together. And so far, we’ve found a lot of joy in the journey!” To me, that is the difference between a Buick and a Mercedes. And frankly, who wants to settle for a Buick?
