Do you lose your temper with your kids and feel like a terrible mom afterwards? Have you cheated with a chocolate donut and felt like you had to quit your diet altogether? How many times in one day do you tell yourself you could have done something better?
And how many times have you congratulated yourself on doing “good enough?”
Mrs. Fields is attributed to saying “Good enough never is.” Now, I love Mrs. Field’s cookies, but from someone who manufactures a product that further contributes to every woman’s guilt feelings, I wonder where such a ludicrous comment is coming from! I mean really, is there a human being out there who can achieve perfection?
Women, and moms especially, are easily sucked into the perfection mentality. After all, a mom is an amazing creature! We have been made to be able to: survive on minimal sleep; create meals from a cup of macaroni and tomato paste; coordinate the entire family’s work, school and sporting activities; kiss every boo boo; listen to every heartache; celebrate every victory; and keep everyone in clean socks and underwear (whether or not the rest of the clothing is clean is optional).
And we do good enough!
But then we raise the bar, telling ourselves that we could do better. That good enough never is.
Have you always secretly wanted to try a marathon, but were scared you’d end up at the back of the pack? And since you couldn’t be the best at it, you decided it wasn’t worth it to do it at all?
Have you been given an opportunity at work, and instead of the surge of pride you knew you deserved to feel, you felt nothing but fear that you wouldn’t be able to do it right?
Over the years, I’ve faced many of these terrifying events. But probably the most petrifying has been my fear of becoming a parent. To have that responsibility over a young life – to be the one accountable for whether they grow to be a delinquent or a darling – that is a lot of pressure! And a lot of fear.
And yet, parenting isn’t a job we can give up on, even if we’re afraid. Somehow, we have to find the courage to close our eyes, plug our nose and jump in, to do our best, even if it isn’t perfect.
And really, what about parenting is perfect? It starts with a painful delivery and moves into months of spitting up, pooping, ear infections and crying. We then get to move into the terrible twos, the independent fours, and the rebellious teens. We get blamed for forgetting show and tell, putting “healthy food” in the lunchboxes and talking to our ten-year-old in front of her friends.
Still, we muddle through, loving our kids and hoping that somehow, despite our fears, that our kids will grow to know that we love them and want what’s best for them. Hoping that even if now and then we yell too much; even if we ignore our kids for a half hour to watch a clandestine episode of “Friends”; even if we secretly eat the last of the ice cream and blame it on their dad, that they’ll turn out okay anyway.
I’ll never forget the advice a friend of mine gave me before my son Douglas was born. I was terrified over the responsibility of having a small defenseless baby to take care of. Finally, I broke down and admitted to her that I was scared. “That’s okay,” she replied. “You can be scared. Just do it scared.”
What a liberating statement! Just like the Nike commercial, I didn’t have to wait for perfection. I didn't have to wait until the time was exactly right and I was totally ready mentally to be a mom. I could do it now – scared – and just do the best that I could.
We have the responsibility to do our best, yes. And, where our kids are involved we want nothing more than to do our best. But isn't it refreshing to know that we don't have to be perfect? That we can do it scared? That sometimes, good enough is good enough? So, sorry Mrs. Fields, I think you're wrong. But, don't worry, that's okay, it's just the way the cookie crumbles.
