There are many milestones in a child’s life that make a parent celebrate. When they are born, it takes little more than a smile (or...is it gas). As the tyke gets older, the events get even more exciting—a first step, a garbled “mamma.” Over the past 10 days, our family has experienced the ultimate in milestones, and Daddy and Mommy are still rejoicing. It really feels as though we have graduated in additon to our son. In fact some days we find ourselves calling each other on the phone just to rehash it all. I’m sure the experience is similar to people who have survived a catastrophe like a plane crash or an avalanche.
You see, our four-and-a-half year old son is finally and absolutely POTTY TRAINED! It hardly seems possible that I am writing these words, as I was becoming fully convinced I would be waking him up in high school to do his business.
I hope you can forgive my somewhat explicit descriptions. If not, I understand. You have probably not experienced this phenomenon yet. I admit, before I went through it I secretly laughed at parents obsessing over their children’s bodily functions. How could the subject of pee and poop possibly consume so completely the thoughts and time of an intelligent grown adult? I mean, come on! It’s a natural ability, isn’t it? Every child will do it with ease when the time is right.
Yeah, sure. But, I must admit that Douglas did pretty well with peeing right from the start. Although it was a somewhat late start for my taste. I think to be exact, he was three years one month and three days old when he finally pulled it off (not literally, thank goodness).
And, then, we spent the next one year, eight months, and one day trying to get him to poop or get off of the, well…you know what I mean.
You see, my son is a very sound sleeper, and had developed the habit early in his life of performing certain bodily functions in his sleep. As a baby this was not a problem—in fact it was kind of nice not to have to worry about it in the middle of a shopping trip to Walmart or at some other annoying time. And frankly, it was a big hit with his day care providers!
But, have you ever tried to explain the process to a child who has never experienced it except in his deepest sleep?
The experts and non-experts alike have all kinds of advice.
A warm bath…Of course we bathed our child. Nothing “came” of it, though.
Fiber…He ate plenty. Honestly, his bedroom started to smell like a stable at night, as he blissfully slept through it all.
Mineral Oil…Makes a huge mess, if you’re wondering.
Sit him down and, well, wait…We waited…and waited…and waited…
Read to him while he sits and, well, waits…Do you know how many children’s books you can read while you wait…and wait…and wait?
OK, it was time to start pulling out the “non-expert” advice.
Guilt…We started with ours. There must be something “we” did wrong. Why isn’t he just normal? I, of course, started blaming the fact that I work—I mean, I couldn’t be with him all day in the bathroom waiting…and waiting…and waiting…
Then, in perfect parenting book fashion, we started in on the Guilt Trip”. As he sat there (waiting…) we would hover at the bathroom door uttering words of encouragement. Things like “After all that we do for you, you can’t do this one thing for us?”; and “Don’t you love us enough?” I’m ashamed to say that in addition to these gems, there were plenty of others that I’m sure Dr. Spock and Dr. Sears would just love to include in their next potty training manual.
We, tried, of course, the bribes…A train ride in a “real” train. A weekend ski trip. Nothing worked. Douglas was apparently willing to wait…and wait…and wait…
Finally, we decided we’d just wake him up an hour after going to bed to go then. That actually worked to the extent that I had less laundry to do. But, since he still never actually woke up, I don’t think he was really progressing. But Mommy and Daddy were getting very well trained!
It became embarrassing. I mean, we’d been pretty effective parents so far. Our child had never been a biter, a screamer, a whiner or any of the other dreaded “ers.” His “terrible twos” went by without a hitch. We were feeling pretty good. Until now…
My husband’s mom brought over a tape from the Dr. Phil Show. The show was about…you guessed it…POTTY TRAINING! We watched it, but didn’t expect much. After all, we’d already tried all the “expert” advice.
Dr. Phil’s theory was that it is all a control issue. That made some sense. I mean, both my husband and I are pretty stubborn people, although we tend to hide it well in public. Our son had to have inherited some of those traits.
So, it was a matter of calmly and confidently establishing just who exactly was the HEAD DOG (my words, not Dr. Phil’s).
Also, the good doctor suggested that a child needs to know there is more pain associated with NOT doing it than there is WITH doing it. No, not physical pain! But he wouldn’t be traumatized if a few of the good things in life were withheld. I realized we’d tried bribes, but never the opposite.
So, we slept on it.
The next morning, I explained to my son things would be different. He was a big boy now, it was time to stop acting like a baby (harsh, but true). Until he did, his say in things would be limited. That was all I said.
That night, he asked for spaghettios. I replied: no, he’d be dining on MY choice tonight. When he pooped, he might have a say in his dinner menu.
You’d be proud of us, we were strong in our resolve despite the storm that erupted. But, nothing “material” came of the incident.
The next morning, he was full of questions, though.
Was it only spaghettios at stake?
No, everything was negotiable…tonight, it would be story books. Tomorrow it might be videos, or the train set, or even skiing (the skiing part was a bluff, Daddy would be more upset than Son if that were withheld).
How long until the trains were taken away?
Don’t know. There would be no particular order…of course, there would be no problem if he just pooped.
Believe it or not, after all the trauma, all the heartache, all the stress and concern, THAT WAS ALL IT TOOK. He did it that night, and has every day since then. We couldn’t believe it worked! Maybe it was just that he was finally ready. Maybe the thought of losing the precious train was the catalyst. Whatever the reason, we still have not recovered from the shock. But we have all three been celebrating ever since. It’s an understatement to say that Daddy and I are thrilled, but it is totally cool to witness how tickled our son is too. You can just tell he feels like hot stuff, and extremely grown up!
I’m sure there will be many milestones to look forward to. The first day of Kindergarten, graduations, even marriage. But, I know for sure, this is one commencement I will always remember! Because through all the waiting…and waiting…and waiting…not only did my son grow up a little bit, but so did I.
Sue Dickinson is the author of What’s a Mom to Do? Overcoming the Urge to Put Your Life on Hold and the creator of www.UnlimitedMom.com, designed to celebrate the many facets of Mom. Because when you recognize them all, your possibilities are unlimited! Contact Sue atSue@UnlimitedMom.comor visithttp://www.UnlimitedMom.com
