Isn’t life fantastic? Even if there are problems at the moment, think of all of the wonderful gifts that surround us. We have the ability to visit museums and beautiful parks for little (if any) charge. We can attend movies and live shows for just the price of a ticket. We have the option to eat out at an unlimited number of restaurants, and choose from an almost obscene array of groceries at the corner store. And on top of all that we have special people in our life that we can share our love with.
Let’s face it, when we compare our lives to what’s happening in the rest of the world we’ve got it pretty good. Even just the fact that we have access to a computer places us in a tiny percentage of the human population.
But does contemplating the wonderful blessings in your life just make you feel worse, or at least a little uncomfortable? You are not alone. I have come to the conclusion that this happens because when we accept that we have it good, we tell ourselves subconsciously that we shouldn’t want more—and we are held back from achievingeverything we desire in life.
I remember when I was a kid my parents always told me to“be grateful, because there are kids in (fill in the blank, latest starving, poor country being covered by the media) starving and you can’t even finish dinner,”or some variation on that theme. It was their attempt to make me thankful, but part of me began to believe that “wanting more” was a selfish and uncharitable thing to do.
I can’t lie, personal possessions are a big piece of the whole “wanting more” concept. With an absolute smorgasbord of stuff available to us, it is hard to sit back and say:“I’ve had enough.”Do you remember Templeton the Rat from“Charlotte’s Web?”When Templeton visited the fair and saw all the wonderful food available to him (okay, it was trash, but he was a rat, after all), he couldn’t control himself. He ate and ate and ate until his belly dragged on the ground and he could barely move. Hopefully, we are not so gluttonous for personal belongings. But having a certain amount of possessions is helpful and satisfying in our lives.
However, there is another element to “wanting more” that we face every day. This is the psychological “more.” It is an undefined nagging in our soul to“do more,”to“be more,”to “make a difference.”For the most part, we all go about our lives doing our jobs and caring for our families and don’t even recognize that the yearning to change is there. But it is, just the same. So although we may feel happy and content with our lives, there is always something gnawing at us—telling us there is more.
Each person experiences this emotional hunger differently. Maybe you wanted to change careers, but instead you took the “safe road.” Maybe you have had a lifelong dream to skydive, but haven’t tried it because you are afraid of heights. Fear plays a big role in holding us back, and I have found that it are the activities that I fear the most that, if pursued, eventually lead to the greatest fulfillment.
For example, I have always been afraid of public speaking. I have chosen my career, my relationships and my lifestyle to avoid public speaking whenever possible. I’ve also stayed away from management because I believed that I wasn’t “management material.” While I find my life rewarding, you can imagine the roadblocks I have encountered with that sort of mind-frame.
But I finally faced my fear a couple of years ago and joined Toastmasters. If you are not familiar with it, Toastmasters International is an organization designed to help individuals become better public speakers, communicators, and leaders. WOW, was I intimidated the first time I got up to speak! Terrified doesn’t begin to define it. But, as with anything you work at, it got easier and easier to stand and speak coherently (if not eloquently). And now, almost two years later, I have come to realize that despite the fact that I may never be totally comfortable speaking in public I cando it—and in a way that others will benefit from my message.
Although facing my fear of public speaking didn’t change my life by making me want to become Oprah Winfrey, it did change my life. First, I learned how much I like to prepare speeches (as opposed to delivering them), which started me writing again—something I haven’t done seriously since college. Second, I became an officer of the club and learned that I actually do have some leadership qualities, despite my previous misconceptions.
In short, facing a fear that I had opened new doors for me—but not in the direction I anticipated at all. While I have no idea where my newfound skills will take me in life, I am up to the challenge.
I’ll bet you are up to the challenge too! Although I don’t know what it is for you, I know that you will find it if you allow yourself to “want more.” Because, I have finally concluded that the endless desire we all have for “more” isn’t because we are ungrateful for what we have or because we have a selfish need for the latest model car or more clothes. Instead, what we are searching for is the challenge itself.
I hear you. It’s challenge enough some days just to make it through. But deep down, something is prodding you to go for it anyway. It is all part of our inner calling to “want more.” Not more things or more money (ok, maybe a little more money). But to want more out of ourselves.
It has been said that all healthy people look for challenges. If you aren’t facing a challenge you are standing still. So join me! Let’s stop standing still and being spectators. Accept the challenge. Want more—of yourself.
Sue Dickinson is the author of What’s a Mom to Do? Overcoming the Urge to Put Your Life on Hold and the creator of www.UnlimitedMom.com, designed to celebrate the many facets of Mom. Because when you recognize them all, your possibilities are unlimited! Contact Sue atSue@UnlimitedMom.comor visithttp://www.UnlimitedMom.com
